happy farm happy updates

There are a variety of words to describe my life — a bit odd, eccentric, alternative, rural, punk — but one thing is for sure: no one can call my life boring.

I’m back to taking things day by day, and it’s not because I’m sad, but because otherwise I’d have to spend half my current day planning for the following day.

Pet Poultry Happy Farm:
Farming by the Seat of My Trousers

After going to bed after 4 last night/this morning, I woke up to use the washroom around 10 and was immediately bombarded. Half asleep, I gave up one of the articles of clothing I was currently wearing to Jewel to chew so she would leave me alone. I fed her and took her outside, did some quick animal (mostly chickie) chores. I noticed I missed a call from my mom.

My mom, dad, son (he had his Sat sleepover at my parents), and uncle who lives 10 hours away would be visiting me shortly. I tried to communicate that to sleepy husband but he was too sleepy.

I decided a coffee would be needed. Instead of having to go through the nuisance of making a new pot, I decided the logical and laziest choice would be to go to McDonalds to get coffee. Yes, I live on a fucking chicken farm in rural Canada and there is still an easily accessible McDonalds. I took Jewel and drove there, taking the country roads in hopes of seeing some animals on the way over. No wild animals, only the usual horses and cows.

Jewel was pretty annoying in the car, she kept turning the seat-heaters on and fussing, but she is cute and McDonalds agreed so whatever. While I was trying to juggle two coffees and a dog wanting to make new friends, my phone started ringing.  As I am a lovely law-abiding citizen and was driving a car, I was sadly unable to answer my phone.

I took the non-backroads way back and, home within 5 minutes, I noticed that my brother-in-law, who had just tried calling me, was in my driveway. His car was the fourth car, but thankfully my sweet driveway holds 9.

I expected him to have my nephew, but instead he opened the door and released a dog!  He had exchanged his son at his mom’s for her dog and now April the dog was going to come hang out with Jewel! So we had a spontaneous dog party while I continued trying to wake up sleeping husband and waited for more family to arrive.

Greg eventually woke up, and I convinced him not to have a shower as family was supposed to arrive within ten minutes but after forty he was like “screw this, I’m having a shower” and I said “it can ONLY be five minutes” and he said “yeah OK” and my family arrived anyways so he had to wait.

We waited until noon arrived so that three of the guys could reasonably crack open beers. I showed off my ducklings and silkies and baby chickies. A friend of the family, one of my mom’s friends actually, randomly stopped in so she hung out.

Um, this next part might be inappropriate or triggering to those who have recently lost grandparents or parents. IMO it’s a funny story but some people just don’t share me and my mom’s sense of humour.

The family friend, Mrs. Jill, told us of her uncle who asked to be buried in Moosehead beer cans under a tree in his front yard. Unfortunately, though, people didn’t think about how many ashes there would be until too late, so they had to put him in a Moosehead ice bucket instead. Still, family members drank a lot of Moosehead beer cans before they decided it wouldn’t work.

Now, as we sipped our coffee, Mom suggested that we bury her mother in a Tim Hortons cup since she used to loathe Tim Hortons.

Mrs. Jill looked a little confused so I clarified: “Did you know Mom’s mom died last week? Or the week before?”
Mom laughed, still amused over the Tim Hortons joke.
“Really? Are you joking?”
My mom, still laughing, said nothing so my dad asked what was wrong with Jill as when his mother died she had also asked if they were joking. Was this really something to joke about?
Now the confusion of the situation had really gotten to Mom, and she was hysterically laughing into her brother’s shoulder, who was also starting to snicker himself. Mrs. Jill said, “But they’re laughing.”
Long story short, my grandmother was a bitch. My mother and I both agree we have no time or love for family members who purposely hurt other family members, like my shitty grandmother did.


Mrs. Jill left, Mr. Jon and April the dog left, and my dad had not one but two naps, a surprising show of his age for such a fit elderly person.

I think my dad, who is not so keen on the chaos and noise that I thrive on, wanted to go for a walk for some peace and quiet, so he decided to go for a walk to the creek. I invited along myself, my uncle, my son, and Jewel the puppy. It was a great walk in the forest, Mason collected a bunch more jawbones for the collection (for purchasing information click here plz) and no one got too severely bit by bugs.

Then I had a luxurious nap and woke up in the evening to start the second part of my day.

Here are some animal updates for those itching to know how my 60-70 pets are doing:

  • My dear favourite chicken, the only cock who has ever held that title, passed away… a few hours ago. He had a cold, some respiratory infection, and being the responsible rooster that he is, he isolated himself until his death.  I expected it, but am saddened, and am trying to hold on to all of the other lovely things to remember. Lonely Chicken was mellow near the end so I got to pat him more than I ever did before. I love Lonely Chicken.
  • The Boer goats and sheep are gone, sadly, leaving me only caring for the two cute black baby goats. However the two goats are way more pet-like than the dysfunctional Boer family.
  • Gandalf moved into the backyard and seems to have taken a liking to Bruce, Austin Frex, Oreo, and Vaulty, which makes me wonder if those are the girls. Gandalf is the first chicken I have decided on my own is *definitely* a cock and he has finally moved from the unsexed teenagers category to the cock category.
  • I named the cochin/silkie mixes the Comrades in Trousers.

I think I would rather hang out with animals than talk about them, so peace! 😀


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