It seems funny to call myself a “cat collector” when cats are among the least of my animal collections lately. I have more chickens and hamsters than cats.
In my defense, I’m limited to 5 cats (currently own 4) thanks to municipal laws. I am under the impression that I can own up to 300 chickens. Furthermore, I’ve only recently discovered the joy of chickens whereabouts I’ve been kitty-loving for decades.
My four kitties are indoor kitties and they’re around all the time. Like my husband, mother, and son, who I may not talk about but are usually present for tons of my adventures, my kitties are also a constant fixture in my life.
I don’t let my cats sleep with me. I feel like a jerk for it, but I’m actually allergic to cats so it gets awful if I let them snuggle me all night long. I can only snuggle my furry cats for maybe 20 minutes at a time and my hairless kitty for an hour depending on his level of persistence.
Here are some activities I do with my kitties on a near daily basis:
- Classic races down the basement stairs, especially exciting when my mom is staying here and her two dogs can also join in. It’s a clusterfuck of a race which Suzy usually wins and usually someone trips, and I admit I take a little bit of selfish satisfaction when it is Suzy and Zero who collide and I actually get to win the bloody race.
- Another great race is the one to my lap. If I sit in the living room, it takes less than five minutes for a cat to discover my open lap. Adina and Spyder prefer to have the lap to themselves whereabouts Zero and Suzy will invade even if another cat is there first, so it does cause some drama at times. If I have a young child on my lap, according to my cats that doesn’t count so they’ll still push their way through. Actually one time Spyder swatted my son when he was 7 because she wanted on my lap instead and I pretty much said, “Are you fucking SERIOUS, cat? You are not more important than my child.”
- If I try to get ready with Suzy in the bathroom, I cannot brush my teeth as she plays in the sink. I cannot do eyeshadow as she’ll take the applicator out of my hand. I cannot clean my ears as she loves Q-tips. If I try to tie my hair back, she’ll snatch up the elastic. If I’m trying to put eyeliner on, she’ll bump my hand so I poke myself in the eye. On the flip-side, Suzy also gives me hugs and snuggles my face and has even patted my hair, so it’s far too endearing to get angry over. Suzy also destroyed my bathroom blinds because, well, why not?
- Adina has this game of convincing people she’s a cute, fluffy, sweet little kitty who doesn’t mind being patted so then when people let their guard down, without warning, Adina goes HISISISISSSSSSS SPITSPIT SPYDER COME FIGHT. That gets awkward. There seem to be two types of people out there: the ones who just can’t believe that my adorable kitty is actually a bitch, and the ones who are so curious that they just have to keep patting Adina to see if she will freak out — and she does, without fail. For the record, Adina is a super sweet, cute, fluffy kitty to people who live in the house, she just loathes strangers. And Suzy.
- Suzy considers herself a master escape artist and challenges herself daily to find ways to overcome household obstacles. Thankfully for the sake of my house, smaller pets, and sanity, I’m on top of it now, but my goodness did Suzy ever work her way through my house before I caught on. Nowadays she mainly limits herself to pulling things out from under doors and the screen rip.
- Laser pointers are a big hit with Suzy and surprisingly Adina. Spyder thinks they’re stupid and Zero gets distracted easily.
Well, I have lots of things to do with my pets today, and I think I might get an extra chick or two, and tomorrow I’m back to my job, so I should probably get hopping on chicken-farming and maaaaybe if I’m lucky I can squeeze in a little nap to compensate for getting up early on my “day off.”